Sexual Abuse

Fall 2017, Onondaga Community College English course assignment

As children, most of us grow up feeling like we live in a world that could do us no harm. We watch Disney movies that depict a “happily ever after” fairytale ending. Tragically, the story for many young people does not unravel like this. Published on Sunday, December 11, 2014, in the New York Times Magazine, Susan Dominus wrote an article titled, “Getting to ‘No.’”This article shares a personal story, which allows us to take a glimpse at a very controversial topic. The topic addressed in this article is where the fine line stands between sexual assault and a bad night. Dominus is correct that no one should be put in a position where that person must plead with someone to refuse sexual advances, but I disagree with Dominus’s solution that merely a new phrase or language will prevent this repetitive act of evil.

Everyone can agree that sexual assault is not acceptable and needs to be stopped; however, no one can agree when a situation becomes classified as sexual assault. There are many examples of this in Dominus’ article. For instance, Dominus mentions a few of the women who claimed to be victims in the Bill Cosby case. For certain, these women stepped forward claiming to be the victims and had solid evidence that would later show this to be true. However, a woman named Katie Roiphe wrote an article in the New York Times enlightening us that there is always another side to the story. Written in Roiphe’s article, Date Rape’s Other Victim,she says, “There is a gray area in which one person’s rape may be another’s bad night.” (Roiphe) There are so many people who would agree with this statement. While some people think Roiphe is being anti-feminist against a sensitive issue, others believe her thoughts are realistic. Surprisingly, even notated in Dominus’ article, she tells us, “my own experience falling somewhere between assault and just a bad night. I never felt I was a victim; looking back, I was an English major for whom language failed at a moment when I needed it most.” (Dominus) This statement was very empowering because even in a story where most people would consider her to be a victim, Dominus tells us at the end of her article, “I never felt I was a victim.” (Dominus) I was confused after reading this sentence because I felt the whole time she wanted to visually draw a picture of herself in the reader’s mind, as a helpless victim who was writing about her sexual assault. This article brings to light a very strong point. You can’t change something if you aren’t willing to have an open mind when figuring out the root of a problem. Dominus needs to recognize that all cases of sexual assault are not the same; therefore, the solution created for each case of sexual assault will be different.

Being impaired skews the judgement of both parties, and no one wants to effectively address the connection between sexual assault and alcohol.Robin Wilson wrote an article titled, Why Colleges Don’t Talk About Alcohol’s Role in Sex Assaults. Wilson says, “If a woman’s ‘judgment is impaired’ and she has sex, it isn’t necessarily always the man’s fault; it isn’t necessarily always rape.” (Wilson) Like my first main point, Wilson brings to our attention that most people would like it to be how they see the situation, not for what truthfully happened. I have an example of this is my own life. Before I became a Student Ambassador for Onondaga Community College, I had to go through a class that discussed all about sexual harassment or sexual assault. I found the class to be a joke because I felt they were playing into what the students wanted to hear. I was ashamed such an ignorant statement was made. The female in the class said, “I love to have a good time, why should I have to watch how much I drink because a male wants to take advantage of me?” I felt her remark showed the problem. She is primarily saying that woman shouldn’t have to be responsible for their actions if they want to consume alcohol. Caroline Kitchens, a 2012 graduate of Duke University who now writes about sexual assault as a senior research associate at the American Enterprise Institute, says “In a perfect world, women would be able to do whatever they want.” (Wilson) As we all know; the world is far from perfect. Kitchens continues to say, “There are always evil people out there, people who want to take advantage of women and if they exist, we have to practice some common-sense risk reduction.” (Wilson) Women must always take responsibility for their own actions. If anyone makes the wrong choice, that person could be put into a situation that could cause harm. Terminating sexual assault is a major priority on many campuses, but the faculty trying to direct the students on this issue will not discuss the major component of alcohol, even though it is a common element in many incidents. An alarming portion of the article reads, “Most sexual assaults happen after women voluntarily consume alcohol; relatively few occur after they have been given alcohol or drugs without their knowledge” (Wilson) according to an article in the Journal of American College Health in 2009 by Mr. Krebs and other researchers. Another perspective from Peter F. Lake, director of the Center for Excellence in Higher Education Law and Policy at Stetson University, says the perpetrators “use being drunk as a cover letter.” (Wilson) Mr. Lake says, “The research I’ve seen is that predators self-medicate with alcohol so they can commit the crime.” (Wilson) This quote is very alarming because so many people feel that alcohol is not essential to the crime committed; nonetheless, there is evidence that what many have chosen to believe is wrong. My second main point is although many people want to find a solution to stop this continuous evil, they don’t want to grasp the obvious, major contributing factor to the many sexual assaults that occur. You can only help those who are willing to help themselves.

A person’s actions cannot be influenced to change just because of a new phrase or language when there are many factors present that makes a person commit to these sexual acts.Young students walk across their high school stage to receive a diploma, and suddenly they are called adults who have more freedom than they can handle. Most young people experiment with alcohol, and unfortunately some find themselves in a tragic situation. The perpetrator and the victim both share something in common. They both have parents or guardians that taught them how to act. Adults are granted the responsibility to raise and teach their children how to act properly. This includes how to respect others. A key element in all sexual assaults is a loss of respect. You can not create a new word or language and expect a person’s behavior to change. Sexual assault takes place because there are some children who are never raised correctly and are not taught how to respect another’s body as a gift. All sexual assaults are selfishly committed to only please the perpetrator’s sexual desires. Selfishness and disrespect are not present in that person, and if these two characteristic traits are not instilled into a child at a young age, a word or phrase will not change anything. I love how beautifully noted Dominus says herself, “Quite possibly no language would have worked for me that night: most men who do not heed no are not going to heed “red zone” either.” (Dominus) A different word or cool slang that is a familiar language to young people, will not change the outcome. “No” needs to be enough.

Fatefully, today I found out someone I grew up with was raped. The timing of this tragedy couldn’t have been more prominently relevant to my analysis. We grew up together and my heart aches hearing this happened to such a beautiful person. No one deserves to go through that kind of evil. I am not biased regarding this topic, I understand both sides of the equation allowing me to agree and disagree with Dominus’ article. The three main points that I have addressed are part of a growing epidemic that must be stopped. The alternative is not to ignore it, like many do. I respect Dominus for raising her voice loud enough so many could hear about this serious, contentious matter. However, this problem is far greater than just inventing a new word, it is about trying harder to guide and protect our future generations so that they can become respectful, loving members of society.

 

 

 

Works Cited

 

Roiphe, Katie. “Date Rape’s Other Victim.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 12 June 1993, http://www.nytimes.com/1993/06/13/magazine/date-rape-s-other-victim.html.

 

Dominus, Susan. “Getting to ‘No’.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 11 Dec. 2014, http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/07/magazine/getting-to-no.html.

 

Wilson Robin. Why Colleges Don’t Talk About Alcohol’s Role in Sex Assaults. Chronicle of Higher Education [serial online]. September 12, 2014: A4. Available from: Education Source, Ipswich, MA. Accessed August 2, 2017.